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 How to Choose Your Ideal Partner 
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Joined: Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:47 pm
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Post How to Choose Your Ideal Partner
How to Choose Your Ideal Partner
by: Robin Nicholson



It's interesting that people will spend a lot of thought and time on choosing a significant purchase - say a car or a house - but not give the same kind of thought when it comes to choosing a life partner. Sure they think about it at length and maybe have a dream that they will meet a perfect replica of George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, or whatever is their taste. That aside, it is surprising how many people can't clearly define what they are looking for.

Maybe they feel that they will know it when they find it. A guy I know was in the tie section of a major store, when an assistant asked him what kind of tie he was looking for! So there are some times when it really is a case of 'I'll know it when I see it.'

So instead of just waiting and hoping, what about making a list of what is important to you, and how important it is? Yes this will sound a bit pedantic and clinical, but it is the only sound way to get a clear idea. And you could find you are in for a surprise or two along the way, with things you never really considered before you sat down to do this exercise.

Let's take as an example, choosing a house / flat / apartment etc. The method goes like this: firstly you take some time to list all the features you would like. For example: two bedrooms, facing South, adequate parking, cost less than £X, freehold or long lease, no neighbour problems, available within two months....we could go on and on. And that is the point - do list absolutely everything that is important to you. If it's not important, don't include it. The second and really important stage is to decide how important each thing is to you. Some would be deal-breakers (meaning if this isn't right, you'll walk away and look elsewhere). This feature, whatever it is, is a must-have. My dad for example, always said never buy anywhere that might flood. Yeah yeah, we thought, fine...but in recent years, sudden freak weather has rather proved he had a point. But the key thing is to decide on your deal-breakers, whatever they may be.

After listing your deal-breakers - you then need to rank how important each of the other things is to you. What other people think is irrelevant. It's what YOU want that matters. So maybe you give a score out of 5 to each item, where 5 is top importance and 1 is still important, but low priority. You can see how this will help you make an impartial decision when it comes to properties that you look at, because you have already decided on the factors that matter. You then just score each property according on each factor, and add up your totals.

This may sound rather unromantic and clinical, but you can apply this system to help understand what you are looking for in your prospective partner. Which in turn, may help you work out where is the best place to find that person. And how to write a profile for online dating sites that helps other members to decide if they fit or don't. Saving their time and yours. After all, this article is addressed to people who are looking for that 'life partner' and what could be more important than that?

Let's take a look at what you might want to put on your list. Keep in mind this is your list and my examples may be quite wrong for you, or may miss out things that are really important to you. Think first about 'core values'. The things that are fundamental about the person you're looking for. Because they really matter to you. For instance, religious belief (or lack of), views on fidelity, how sociable or private they are, career- minded or not, active and sporty or not. ...and so on. What we are getting at here, is what are your 'essentials' in terms of how your prospective partner lives their life and what is important to them. A friend of mine for example, feels strongly about environmental issues, and really couldn't be with someone unless they share that view. Someone else might be very active and sociable, wanting to be out a lot of the time. Or the opposite, enjoying quiet evenings at home. You get the picture.

Some other things may be to do with shared interests and hobbies. Or whether they like the same kind of films, books, TV programmes, music, how they spend their spare time and so on. Others may be more of a personal preference, such as hair colour, height, build and the like. You are writing the list and you should make it as complete as you can. Otherwise you run the risk of taking decisions just on the basis of one or two things. Yes it might be great that the other person is also a big fan of Cold Play (if you are, too) but what about all their other characteristics and preferences?

So let's say you've done your long list of desirable and essential things in your next partner and you have put it in order of importance. Now you need to take another look at the finished product and check you are not being so selective that almost nobody will fit. There is likely to be some room for compromise, so be realistic. If you are an overweight 45 year old guy, is it likely that a trim athletic blond of 32 will be interested in you? Great if it happens, but kind of unlikely. This exercise will really help you decide what you are looking for and how important some of the criteria are to you. It can help you know up front what you have to avoid because you know it will only lead to regrets later. But it can also be a help in getting you to remove or adjust some of the items on your 'wish list' that are limiting your choices too much.


About The Author

By Robin Nicholson, a life coach, counsellor and writer. After a successful career in business, Robin re-trained and for the past ten years has been working as a coach and counsellor, helping clients work through important issues in their lives. He is the writer and publisher of the website http://www.idealpartneronline.co.uk - where you can find a number of other free articles and links to top dating websites.


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Thu Aug 16, 2007 7:42 pm
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