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 Bringing Back The Passion 
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Bringing Back The Passion
by: Rebel Lorenz

Has your relationship lost the spark that it once had? Do you remember when you had butterflies in your tummy when the phone rang, hoping it was them? When you just couldn't wait to see them again? When their smell, smile or look in their eyes ...

Now you think to yourself…what happened? How did we lose that "lovin' feeling'? Where did it all go? You look at your partner and see all the things that are "wrong" with them. They don't smile any more…and neither do you. And…their smell…well they can go take a shower!

It's not uncommon to hear that the things that once turned each other on now turn each other off. What once was cute is now annoying. What once you tolerated is now intolerable.

Well, what did happen? Probably the very two things that destroy most relationships – unfulfilled love strategies and a whole bunch of negative associations.

Let's talk about love strategies. What is a love strategy? It's what needs to happen in order for you to feel loved? How do you know what your love strategy is? Simple…just answer this question, "What needs to happen in order for me to feel loved?" Is it that simple? Well, it's a simple question, however the answer can be quite complex…depending on how many rules you have for being loved.

When talking with one couple have a challenging time in their relationship. I asked them that very question, "What needs to happen in order for you to feel loved?" The husband jokingly answered "She just needs to show up!" The truth behind his answer was that in order to feel loved she needed to act a certain way, do certain things, and say certain things. In other words he had a whole set of criteria that needed fulfilling in order for him to feel loved by her. In fact his rules were so limiting that there was no way that she could possibly meet these requirements…and so despite her best efforts to express her love to him he felt unloved by her. The wife answered this question with a long list of things and when we broke it down what she really needed in order to feel loved was his undivided attention. When we looked at how they were going about loving each other we quickly discovered that she was trying to express her love for him by telling him how much she loved him. She did this because that is how she felt loved – when she had his attention and he told her he loved her – but he rarely did that! He was trying to express his love for her by buying her gifts – because he felt loved when she bought him things that he liked. Each of them were in the throws of the fatal mistake of expressing their love the way that they felt loved and their relationship was becoming increasingly distant.

So, find out what you need in order to feel loved. Get out a pen and paper and write it down. Be honest with yourself. Don't just write what you think sounds good – write truly, really what needs to happen in order for you to feel loved. Discover if your rules are easy to fulfil or impossible to fulfil. If you discover that you have a whole heap of rules that make it impossible for you to feel loved then…guess what? Now you can get rid of them and look forward to feeling loved. He with the least rules is happiest!

Of course, you need some basic rules – these will probably be what you can't do without – things that are aligned with what you truly value. For example: if you value honesty then a rule that you have may be that you always tell the truth to one anilities Through Free Online Dating
by: Nathalie Fiset,M.D.

Due to the convenience of virtual communication and online socializing, online dating has been growing steady fast over the years. In fact, international online dating memberships show that online dating grows 20 percent yearly.

Statistics shows that in the United States alone, nearly 40 million Americans are currently subscribed to at least one online dating service. Surveys also show that over $300 million is spent annually for online dating and with over 800 online dating sites in the Internet today, this figure is expected to grow double in the coming years.


Veering away from the common notion that online dating is creepy and unsafe, online dating today has unveiled a new and refreshing face that has become acceptable to many. Banking on the concept of hassle-free and time-saving socialization alternative for people on-the-go, online dating has become a credible and reliable avenue in expanding one’s social pool and connection.

With the advancement of future online matchmaking, more and more people are getting hooked to discovering endless possibilities trough online dating. Most people who are into online dating say that it is a good avenue for knowing and meeting other people because you can be very exact in your likes and dislikes and you get to choose who are the people you will communicate with that have the same interest as you are. While look into online dating as a fresh start to expanding their social connections, others see it as a catalyst for their personal renewal.

Aside from these, the following are remarkable benefits of online dating:

- If you want to ensure safety, online dating is safer compared to meeting someone personally. Today, online dating services create ways to protect their user’s identity until they are ready to reveal it.

- It is less expensive compared to regular dating. If you go out on a date, let’s say in a restaurant, it would probably take you $70 to $100 in just one night. But going on an online dating service would cost you $20-$50 monthly that comes with special services plus you will have not only one opportunity to meet and know somebody but you can communicate with others without spending that much.

- Chance meeting is eliminated on online dating. Since you can access the Internet anytime, you can communicate and meet with people 24/7 without the hassle of chance meetings.

- Online dating opens up a better opportunity for you to get somebody a grinding halt. Notice when something your partner does excites an unreasonable reaction in you – ask yourself "What is this really about?"

I was working with a couple who were at odds with one another and they didn't know why. We discovered that as soon as he came home and she asked him how his day was that he immediately disconnected from her. He had gone through tough time at work and had associated coming home and seeing her face with recalling his tough days and would automatically feel burdened and frustrated. It had nothing to do with her but unconsciously he had linked the two things together. They need to BREAK THE PATTERN. She decided to create some surprises for him for when he came home – and their relationship flourished.

What patterns do you need to break? What is zapping the passion from your relationship? Find fun and creative ways to sever these links so that you can have your relationship explode with passion.

Finally what does it ultimately take to have passion in your relationship?

It takes you BEING passionate!

If you want passion then be passionate – BE, DO, HAVE – be passionate, do passionate things and have passion.

Make that decision now and commit to being passionate. Find out what your partner needs to feel love and passion. Break the patterns that are holding you back and create new loving, passionate patterns. This IS your relationship NOW – create it the way you want it.

About The Author

Rebel Lorenz is a Director of - a global network of the highest calibre coaches & speakers and self coaching programmes. She provides one-on-one coaching and consultations, and group presentations, combining the best of the field of counselling with NLP based coaching to deliver unique, client centred, wholistic consultations—empowering the client with health, life and change management skills.

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Tue Aug 14, 2007 10:23 am
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