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 "The Power Of Intimacy:..." 
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Post "The Power Of Intimacy:..."
The Power Of Intimacy: Overcoming Barriers to Deep and Lasting Closeness
by: William DeFoore


Have you ever been afraid of really loving someone? Have you been afraid of letting someone really love you? Most of us have known this fear. To love and be loved is what we want more than anything, so why would we be so afraid of having the deep, intimate experience of loving and being loved?

Why do we feel the most fear and anger with those we love the most? Why is it that domestic violence is considered by the police to be the most dangerous situation they can walk into? These are important questions. Let's consider some possible answers.

As adults, we "fall" in love. This experience of loving at some point reminds us of how we were hurt in past experiences of loving. Of course, we are afraid of being hurt, no matter how big, strong or healthy we may happen to be. So we try to protect ourselves. This is human nature.

It follows that the more we love, the more potential we have to be hurt, afraid and angry. Fortunately the love can grow and mature in such a way that the pain and fear are minimized and we no longer need anger for protection from those we love. This happens as our skill, strength, knowledge and awareness expand, allowing the more vulnerable inner core of love to grow and expand into the world around us. You can imagine this by picturing the walls of protection, fear and pain breaking down, allowing the inner circle of love in Figure 6.1 to expand and blend with the outer circle of skill, strength, knowledge and awareness. So how does this happen in real life?


The first step to true intimacy is to know, understand and become intimate with yourself. Your self is what you bring into a relationship. If you don't know this self or you feel ashamed of some part it, you will not be able or willing to share those aspects with your loved one. If there are wounds that have not healed, you will automatically hide and protect those wounded parts. You will not offer yourself fully to another, as is required for true intimacy, unless you feel good about the self you are offering.

This simply means that each of us must make a journey into ourselves to learn about our own defense mechanisms, to manage our fear and to heal our pain. Only then can we reach the healing core of love that is the heart of who we are. Only then will we be willing to allow someone else to really know and love us for all that we are.

The first part of ourselves we offer to others is what we consider to be our best self. We smile, shake hands or hug and act as if everything is just fine, whether it is or not. We show our social skills, demonstrate our knowledge and awareness in our conversation and try to give the impression of being a healthy, together person. This is the realm in which we operate at work or with people we don't know very well. This is the part of ourselves we use to "make a good impression" on someone we like. This may even be all we really know of ourselves.

In school and throughout our lives, we have gained knowledge, skill, strength and awareness about the world around us--but we never really learned very much about ourselves. But it is your self that you are having trouble with. Your anger comes from you, not from somewhere else.


One of the first things that happens when you start trying to get to know yourself is that you run into your own defense mechanisms. Defenses fall into two basic categories: fight and flight. In other words, we tend to protect and defend ourselves by either getting angry or getting out--of the situation.

Do you know how to take a break in a relationship to give yourself time to think and calm e in love know how it feels to be in love. It is about sharing the joys and sorrows of life together and being there for each other in good times and bad. Life gives us various occasions to express our love for that special someone and to celebrate romance. Whether you wish to express your love for someone in a special way or want to revive your love life, unique and elegant romantic gifts are just perfect.

Talking of romantic gifts, what you give is important but its presentation is equally important. Romantic gift baskets are perfect in terms of both. You can go for romantic gift baskets with chocolates, candles, jewelry, personalized gifts, beauty products and more. There are various websites offering romantic gift baskets for many occasions like Thanksgiving, Valentine’s, and even Halloween. Believe us. The designer romantic gift baskets on occasions can make your day truly memorable. Let’s find out how.

 Valentine day romantic gift baskets: Valentine’s as we all know is the day to celebrate love and togetherness. Many romantic couples go for a romantic dinner or a day out to celebrate this special day. To make this day extra special, gift a valentine day romantic gift basket to your partner. This way you can make your and your partner’s Valentine’s Day truly memorable! Check out romantic gift baskets available at stores online and pick the one that you think your partner would like.

 Thanksgiving romantic gift baskets: Don’t miss the opportunity to thank your partner for their love and affection on this day. Nothing can be more special for your partner on Thanks Giving day than a Thanksgiving romantic gift basket from you. Thanksgiving Gift Basket can contain lavish confectionary items, cakes, and scrumptious gourmet chocolates and more. Make it unique and enjoy a romantic Thanksgiving!

 Halloween romantic gift baskets: Halloween day is not for kids only. If the idea of Halloween romance excites you, Halloween romantic gift baskets are for you. You can make the best of this occasion by gifting your partner a Halloween romantic gift basket and enjoying Halloween candies and chocolates that are nicely packed using the Halloween theme. You can also go Halloween romantic gift basket containing sweet candies and cookies. So get ready for the most romantic Halloween of your life!

 Holiday romantic gift baskets for her: The idea of going for a holiday with your partner itself is so romantic. Don’t you think! Make your holidays unforgettable for life by gifting Holiday romantic gift baskets to her. She will truly love

Tue Aug 14, 2007 10:32 am
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