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 That 'Talking Thing' Will...Make or...a Relationship!" 
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Post That 'Talking Thing' Will...Make or...a Relationship!"
That 'Talking Thing' Will Either Make or Break a Relationship!
by: Paul Sterling

Paul Sterling is the creator of The Language of Peace, a new communication paradigm that puts an end to manipulation, mind games and martyrdom. It replaces these with compassion, understanding and peaceful interactions.

Sterling, once a commercial fisherman in Alaska, spent years studying with all of the great masters of motivation and change, from Anthony Robbins to Marshall Thurber. He studied and taught Dr. Demming's Systems Theory in government and business. Later he became certified in Eriksonian hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming, and neuro-associative response. Then he discovered in his studies the magical work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication. He felt it really gave him the tools to make all of the other things he'd learn possible. It was one thing to know that he should discuss an issue with a mate or employee. It was a totally different thing to actually have the outline and words for conducting that conversation.

And so this all led to the creation of The Language of Peace. Paul combined his knowledge and skills from all of these sources to create a system of relating to our loved ones that creates intimacy, understanding and compassion beyond what is possible using any other system.

What do you do when...

- You marry with the understanding that you and your mate would live in the town where your parents live. But after marriage he announces that there's no possible way he can live there?

- You move in with your beloved to live happily ever after in the little nest you would make. But after you move in you find out that her idea of a happy nest is one with stuff piled everywhere and dirty dishes?

- your *** DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK!!! *** beloved says that he'd love to support you in changing careers, just as soon as you have about $10,000 in the bank. Of course the guy spends money like nobody's business, so that effectively eliminates your dream of changing careers?

- your *** DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK!!! *** beloved moved in with you and you were going to create this fun little life of work, dinner parties and travel. Then you find out, once she's moved in, that her asthma prevents her from doing much of these things. Plus, you suspect the asthma is really a means of manipulation, not a truly physiological issue?

...What to do?! Run and hide? Stay and fight? Stay and check out of the relationship?

Look at the four problems above. All four have one thing in common -- they all require clear communication to get out of the situation. You could run and hide, but that wouldn't help anything. The issues would still be there. You could stay and fight about who's right and who's wrong and call each other 'idiots', but that wouldn't help much either. You could stay and just keep your mouth shut, figuring that fighting or running wouldn't help. Or, you can learn away of communicating with your beloved so that you can connect deeply and compassionately about even the most mundane issues of every day life.

Learn the words to use to convey what you really need and what you're really feeling without pissing the other person off or driving them away. And learn it in a way that you can call it to mind in even the hairiest of fights with your family.

This compassion-building communication method is The Language of Peace. Its four easy steps of stating an observation, your feelings around this observation, your needs in the situation, and making a clear and present request.

Okay, I said 'easy', but what I meant by that is that it's only four steps and doesn't take a master's degree in communication to figure it out. The hard part is in using it and sticking with it because it requires a change of all of your old paradigms about how to get what you want in a relationship.

We were all brought up with various strategies for getting what we want in any relationship. And sometimes those strategies aren't too successful. It would seem to be easy to change those once you made up your mind to do it and knew how to do is, but it's not. When you're under stress you'll always want to revert to the ways you know the best -- the ways you learned in your natural family -- the ways that may not be working too well.

For one, we all want to build cases against our loved ones and prove to them how wrong they are about whatever the issue is. Um... excuse me? Since when did having somebody tell you you're an idiot ever make you feel closer to them? That's probably the biggest skill we work on in our materials -- helping you to build a connection with your loved ones instead of building a case against them.

Another thing we as humans always tend to want to do is assume that the person we're talking to is hearing what we intended to say. Nope. In fact, they'll watch our behavior and listen to our words and STILL decide that what we meant was something completely different. So we teach people an effective way to check in with their beloved before things get out of hand.

And again, it would seem that that should be fairly simple. But it's not. Any time you start learning a new language, it's going to take some time and practice to become fluent. Did you ever study French or Spanish or German in school? Do you remember just how much time it took, repeating, "The fruit is in the bowl at the bottom of the stairs" just to remember the phrase? That's what learning The Language of Peace is going to be like. You're going to need to listen to MP3s and get on teleconference calls and attend a seminar (if you can) to really become fluent in this new way of speaking.

It's not that we teach you a whole new language, but we will be teaching you a new vocabulary of feelings and needs -- common English words that we just never really think to use. And we'll teach you a new grammar -- a new way of putting together your new vocabulary so that other people will want to listen to you.

If you're ready to commit yourself to learning a new way of communicating with your loved ones, we invite you to sign up for our Special Report on the 5 Most Common Relationship Wrecking Communication Mistakes to start reading about ways that you can modify your communication style.

The next thing to do will be to order our beginners package of MP3 recordings and reports about the 4 steps of the Language of Peace. This is the tool for really changing your life around.

Following that, we offer teleseminars and seminars where you can ask your questions and practice your new skills in role plays and challenges to really hone your new skills and make them work for you.

To read more and to sign up for our free Special Report on the 5 Mistakes of Relationship communication, go to the Magic Relationship web-site.

About The Author

Paul & Kristin teach The Relationship Magic Series including ‘The 4 Simple Steps To Heart-Opening- Intimacy and Understanding’ ‘The 5 Relationship-Wrecking Communication Mistakes’ ‘The Seven Secret Keys To Creating a Relationship Oasis’ - To get your own free copy of their special report 'The 5 Mistakes' go to

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[Note: Due to size restriction, this articles title has to be abreviated. Apologies to Paul Sterling. - Admin.]

This article was posted by permission.

Thu Aug 16, 2007 7:46 pm
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